On June 26th of 2015, the Supreme Court ruled to allow same sex couples the legal right to marry anywhere in the United States. I remember this day distinctly because #blacktwitter (including myself) was still very much heavily enthralled in the continued fight against the use of gross and egregious misuse of force by police officers. Major news outlets were offering 24/7 coverage of the use of deadly force that snuffed short the lives of Mike Brown, Tamir Rice, Walter Scott and numerous others. Washington DC was on fire with protests. The Black Lives Matter campaign was steamrolling. White Privilege had become a commonly used term. With the Supreme Court announcement however, media coverage took a sharp shift, and I couldn’t help but notice that many of my followers of color felt as though the announcement was somehow part of a “mass conspiracy”. Several of them felt as though the timing of the ruling announcement was intended to “distract” from the burgeoning Black Lives Matter Movement.
“But back to the “black lives matter” campaign..”
I saw this tweet, and others, and felt….uncomfortable. I realized that this discomfort was actually internal conflict, and I was quickly thrown into a reflection of how the last two years of my life changed my personal understanding of life so dramatically. In the winter of 2013, I closed out a messy end to a two year relationship with my then boyfriend…and began a new relationship. With a woman. A white woman.
This wasn’t my first interracial relationship, but it was my first relationship with another woman. Ever the adventurous one, I made the decision that the relationship should be public (being 23 and closeted wasn’t for me). I’ve been attracted to women for a long time. It wasn’t until this past year that I realized that I’ve actually been attracted to women since I was very young. I am also attracted to, and have primarily dated, men. I think that I have always felt my sexuality was very fluid, so when I kissed my first girl in high school and felt some type of way when Elle Varner hit the music scene (God Bless that woman), I didn’t give it very much thought. The human body, in male or female form, is beautiful. If I find your personality and your mind attractive, your gender comes secondary. 2013 was the year that this all fell into place. The year that I made it make sense.
This brings us back to my twitter conundrum. Having just recently come into my `own weird mash up of an atypical identity, I felt the burn that many of my LGBTQ peers of color have felt for their entire lives. The burn of exclusion, the burn of choosing a side, the burn of being told a part of me was less important than the other. But..how does that work? The short answer is it doesn’t. As a black woman, my heart has been destroyed again and again with each reporting of a sister or brother being hunted, suffocated, or gunned down. My commitment to the purpose behind the movement has been unfaltering. But on June 26, I wondered why some of my people felt that this legal achievement, which affects a considerable population of people of color, was not worth the celebration? Should this announcement be placed on the back burner until greater strides were made towards ending the stereotyping of people of color by police officers? Was gay marriage a celebration for white people and black people should be concerned by matters that affected “their own”? I was lost…and a little overwhelmed.
This conflict is where Forbcg took seed. For bisexual colored girls when the rainbow aint enuf, is the verbal expression of my mental musings present and past. It is a place for expression, understanding, and love positivity. I introduce this blog to the world with the hopes that it will not only be a voice for my perspective, but become an open forum for the perspectives of many others who live an “atypical” black lifestyle. I invite you all into my mind and ask for respectful and thoughtful discussion.
Here’s to finding my “somewhere over the rainbow”.